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Showing posts from May, 2007

Life in the Dilbertopia -- Drinks are on Me

I was scheduled to have my mid-year performance review tomorrow (now mercifully postponed since I didn't send it to my supervisor for his input until late afternoon) and it reminded me of the latest bit of corporate zeal. We had one of our periodic all group off-site breakfast meetings last week. These typically consist of coffee, carbohydrates and lots of PowerPoint slides. The most highly touted stuff is usually bullshit, and the really interesting stuff is the stuff they try to slide by as "oh, by the way." It operates on the same principle that professional magicians and card cheats use -- misdirection. One of the perks provided to us in the salt mine is free sodas. It sounds stupid, but gosh, I'll admit it: I can be bought for a 12 oz. can of Diet Dr Pepper. Last week's "oh by the way" moment was when they flashed the slide showing the cost of our free sodas doubled from last year to the (projected) cost this year: $50,000. Never mind that our sta

Thank you, Willy Bubenik

Church Of God Mission. 23 25 Eglise Surulere, Portharcourt. Rivers state Nigeria .     On behalf of the Trustes and Executor of the estate of Late Engineer. Willy Bubenik, again try to notify you as my earlier letter to you through the Post Office was returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you via your  e-mail address .   I wish to notify you that late Engineer. Willy Bubenik,made you a beneficiary to his will. He left the sum of Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand Dollars (US$950,000) to you in the codicil and last testament to his will.Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good.Engineer Willy Bubenik until his death was a former managing director and pioneer staff of a giant construction company.   He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to give out.His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. Late Engineer. Willy B

Celebrating 30 years of Star Wars!

To celebrate 30 years of Star Wars, enjoy the Star Wars Cantina By Richard Cheese ! Cheesy it is!

Guest rant: Lee Iacocca's Where Have All the Leaders Gone?

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Rather than hearing my whining, I thought I'd offer you a chance to read an excerpt from Lee Iacocca's book Where Have All the Leaders Gone as featured on Border's/Amazon. His rage is like a bracing splash of cold water to the dull haze of complacency the nation has been drifting through for the past six years. Says Lee, " You can't call yourself a patriot if you're not outraged . This is a fight I'm ready and willing to have." This rant makes mine seem the work of a complete wuss. Enjoy!

The Cat Master

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Time to take a break from ranting (even I get tired of hearing myself bitch) and instead talk about my friend and fellow writer Bonnie Pemberton's new book, The Cat Master . I'll let you read the reviews at Amazon but it's the story of two brothers (who happen to be cats) battling over who will fill the paws of their late father to be the Cat Master. Along the way, we hear from a host of other animals, including dogs, possums, and a one-of-a-kind lizard. Talking animals? Yes, but wait, they talk a lot like you and me -- wise-ass, funny and hard-boiled. Although marketed to a middle-school audience, Bonnie says this was not originally intended to be a children's book. My dear wife (the children's librarian) has read the advance copy, as have several of the students at her school, and they all love it. Now that I have a (signed by the author!) hard-back copy I'll be taking turns reading it with the other members of the household. Today, she had a book-signing and

Gonzo vs. Ashcroft

Believe me, I never thought I'd live to see the day when I actually felt sense of admiration or sympathy for former Attorney General John Ashcroft. Then I read how Al Gonzales and Andrew Card tried to bully him into signing off on the NSA's secret domestic surveillance program while he lay in a hospital bed , suffering from acute pancreatitis. It seems the AG refused to certify the legality of Bush's latest assault on our civil liberties, so Gonzales, ever the loyal toad, went to twist the arm of the old man in his sickbed. Congratulations, Al. Just about the time I'm convinced you can't be any more of a reprehensible little shit, you manage to surpass yourself. What's next? Concentration camps? Oh wait -- never mind .

Latest Republican excuse for spewing stupidity

Republican Presidential wannabee Tommy Thompson has added to the inventory of half-assed excuses Republicans trot out when explaining away some lie or painfully stupid (and candid) remark: I had to pee. This is his latest explanation as to why, during the recent Republican candidates' debate, he said employers ought to have the right to fire gay employees if they find homosexuality immoral. Oh, and his hearing aid was dead. Did his dog eat his homework, too? "I had to pee" is a refreshing change from the old standbys usually offered by the Republicans for their boorish/illegal behavior: I was drunk I don't recall I was drunk and don't recall "Everyone" else does it