The beatings continue until morale improves

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Upper management in my unit held an "all-hands" meeting the other day at a nearby hotel conference room. Breakfast at 7:30. Powerpoints promptly at 8:00.

Meetings like this are primarily corporate newspeak: lots of words you sort of recognize, but used in ways that have been drained of all meaning. Still, to the expert listener, much can be learned; more indeed than the speakers usually intends.

Here's what I learned:

"We need to work smarter, better, faster." Translation: more unpaid overtime.

"We are a global organization and our internal customers expect us to be available." Translation: more unpaid overtime.

"You can telecommute as long as you use it to address customer needs in the the evening and weekends." Translation: more unpaid overtime from home as well as the office.

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