Obama resigns!

The existence of a birth certificate that reveals President Barack Obama was not born in Hawaii has created a firestorm of controversy in the nation's capital. Fallout from the previously unknown document has escalated to the point where many have publicly stated Obama has lost the ability to effectively lead the nation.

Among the shocking revelations: Obama was actually born in Havana, Cuba and that his birth name was Jesus Ernesto Guevara. Ann Dunham, who the world thought was his birth mother, actually adopted him. The birth certificate lists his father as Juan Guevara, an aide to Fidel Castro. Opponents are now saying this is what drove his decision to impose "Cuban-style" socialist healthcare on Americans.

In a further shocking revelation, Obama/Guevara revealed he'd been having a torrid eighteen month affair with one-time opposition running mate Sarah Palin. "It's true, you can see Russia from her bedroom," he said.

The White House press office issued a release that stated Obama/Guevara would resign from office, effective noon, April 1, 2010.

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