Wednesday, September 23, 2009

A succession

My employer, the Sisyphean Corp, announced today the retirement of our beloved CEO, L. C. "Soupy" Soupington III, after 17 years of service.

He's regularly mentioned in the financial press for his unique hands-off management style, and was recently voted "Third Worst CEO in the Fortune 500."

Although share values have plunged over 90% in the last 18 months, Mr. Soupington is fond of reminding employees their 401ks are buying more stock, more cheaply. He's done his bit to ensure that's possible by dumping huge amounts of his own holdings before the vomit-inducing plunge in stock prices.

Insiders were surprised at the low-key announcement. Some privately remarked they expected the announcement to come on the national news, accompanied by video footage of Mr. Soupington being frog-marched from his office in handcuffs.

When asked his plans, the usually CEO reserved grinned, "Play golf, gain weight and be on my guard for angry shareholders."

Good luck and Godspeed, Soupy!

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