Friday, April 10, 2009

Just in time for Easter: Jesus gets a haircut

I was out shopping for plants today with my wife and while wandering the aisles of Mike's Gardenland, chanced upon a couple of shelves of collectible figurines. You know - the sort of kitschy shit that fills yard sale tables as soon as the weather warms up. Adorable children, sad clowns, blonde Nordic-looking angels.

Then I saw this: Jesus with a haircut.

Gone is that old hippie look and all the peace and love shit that goes with it. Now he's got a nice razor cut with a shampoo and blow-dry thrown in for good measure. His beard got a trim, too -- not so scruffy.

The look suggests he gave up on being a trouble-maker and decided to concentrate on the carpentry business -- maybe even expand into general contracting. I bet he'd be driving a pickup if he could.

All he needs to do now is lose those sandals and get a pair of cowboy boots.


Flee said...

I knew it would be just a matter of time before this happened. My brother, Saint Thomas, took one of those stupid quizes on facebook and it came back he was a hippie, he was not amused. "I'm no dirty hippie!" He didn't like it when I pointed out that Jesus looked like a hippie and seemed much more liberal than conservative.

Crackhead said...

No, no, he needs to keep the sandals. In fact, they are Birkenstocks, so he can pretend he's into the whole green/earth movement.

The haircut is because he's unemployed, and long hair doesn't really present the best impression.

But he could lose the loose robe look and instead go with Abercrombie & Fitch, don't you think?

The Whited Sepulchre said...

I've always wanted to see a realistic portrayal of Rabbi Jesus, with the more Semitic features, and the long curls coming down in front of his ears.

Somehow, I don't think the Christian figurine market is quite ready for something that realistic.

Dr Ralph said...

I think I would have been less appalled had they gone ahead and stuck him in a cowboy hat and blue jeans. At least that would have been updating the message to meet a modern audience, not rewriting the original to pander to uninformed prejudices.

Dan Brekke said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan Brekke said...

Wait a minute. Who says this is Jesus. This guy appears to have just the hint of some sort of age sags under his eyes. This looks like Jesus had he lived past 33, wised up to the Pharisees, and decided to beat them at their own game. I can see him having his own mega-church, as the Rev. Josh Ben Joseph, with a mega-congregation. In fact, I feel a revelation about this coming on right now.